Halo

A tale titled, Gabby

Wow 142 weeks since last update. Well here I am to bleed my heart out again in hopes it helps me to get over this pain. After Renee it took me awhile but I found another gal that I grew quite fond of. 

Earlier this year I met Gabby thru a friend in WoW. She was fun to talk to and eventually we were spending hours on the phone together. She'd tell me how she hated the guy she was with, which incidently is also the 1st real BF she's had and been with him from age 15-18. I'd comfort her and tell her just to stopping listening to his BS that things will be different and never do, and just follow her heart. Then in May I flew down to Cali to meet both of them and stay with for a few days. It was akward him always ignoring her and her just doing her own thing. Last few days of our stay Gabby and I just...really connected and when I went home there was a sense of loss in me..and her too.

She finally ended it with him those last few days I was there and moved back to her parents house in SoCal. He tries to blame me for telling her to leave but that wasn't true at all. He took it bad and continued to read through her email account. He'd send nasty and hurtful txt msgs, emails, IM's, then had friends of his do the same. Month later she flew up to spend some more time with me in Oregon and we had a blast. So much she decided to stay around and live with me. We'd go for walks to the park, car drives, hikes in the mountains, motorcycle rides to the beach, and just hang out. My family accepted her right away with open arms. We even went to my brothers wedding where she caught the bouquet and I caught the belt. It was bliss and almost meant to be. I fell hard for her, and love her. 2.5 months she was up here, short I know but when it happens you can't control it. A week before she technically flew home she got a job at Best Buy and was excited and loving it. 
But something changed. She started to eat less and less and skip dinners. She finally confided in me above other people first, that she thinks her anorexia disease is back. She's already pretty skinny but mentally she won't allow herself to be big again like she was when was a kid. We told her family, and a few friends and we started going to a support group up here together. It was helping but not fast enough evidently for her parents. Her mom knows a friend of a friend that is a therapist that thinks could help her, so Gabby arranged to fly back to SoCal to see the therapist and live with her mom again. The few days of her time here, she became very different. Didn't want to sleep in the same room anymore, didn't want to share affection. Her last night in Oregon she even arranged to stay at a friends house. She told me she wanted it this way to break the emotional connections while she's down in SoCal for a bit and it's not so hard to concentrate on getting better. I respected her wishes and didn't push the issue. She left half of her clothes and stuff so I believed her when she said she was coming back. 
She flew down, and a month goes by with normal conversations between us. Therapist was helping, and she found more support groups down there. Even found a Yoga class nearby to attend and meditate. The oppurtunity came up to come visit for a weekend and she wanted me to come. 5 days before the flight she IM's me that she's out of town and probably won't be back in time to see me. She wouldn't say where or why, and then quickly logged off. Over the next few days she returns 0 emails, IM's, txt's or phone calls. A day before the flight I find out through her family a few days earlier she ran away to be back with her exBF. Ran away from the therapist, the support groups, her family, yoga class, me...everything to be back with the guy that has emotionally damaged her and tortured her for awhile. The relationship that was dead for over 6months while still being in it. I flew down anyways since nearby my dad was there and my uncle, and returned the rest of her things from my place. Met her family, which were very nice and cool people. She still wouldn't say a word to me wherever she is living now with the exBF, even if to just say it was over between us. Later that night I started getting txt's from her BF telling me to fuck off, and I got what was coming to me. He said she was the one that called him while in Oregon and wanted to get back together and the whole trip back to SoCal was planned to get back to him. She never wants to talk to me again and just go away. 

It's hard to know what's true and what isn't. It's like a puzzle that doesn't fit together. So many unanswered questions I have, but she maintains the silence from only me so I have no answers. 
If it was all planned long ago, why leave your stuff? Why get a job? Why pretend nothing is wrong for so long? Why even invite me down to visit and waste my time if you were already back with your exBF? Why can't you just tell me it's over and give me closure? Why won't you say a word to me? Why this enormous mind fuck game you're playing? What did I do to make you so unhappy or hate me so much to act like this? I supported you in every way and made sure your needs were above mine. I went to the group meetings, even when you were in Cali. I helped you try to settle in with getting an ID and finishing your GED.
Why would you even go back to that dickhead schmuck of a guy and the way he treated you when in the relationship and after your breakup, against everyones advice. Did you not learn from Stephy and Dave? Big amounts of stress or not, he's not your answer to your problems. You can't go back to him just because you think he's a safe bet and wont encourage you to do anything. Your problems will be there until you face them like an adult. You're exactly back where you started a few months before you met me. I hope you realize this sooner then later. You've let your mind and this disease cloud the voice of your heart.

It pains me to be ignored like this and not even the respect of being told it was over. It pains me even more you're throwing yourself back into a worse spot then you were before. I understand he's a safety net for you having dated for a few years, but don't throw your life away wasting it on him. Maybe someday you can call me a friend again and speak to me. I do miss those long talks we had. GL to ya in your life journey wherever it leads you.
Love ya lots my Gabriella, rawrrrrrr.

  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
Halo

Brian Donais

Regretedly I can't attend the memorial service today, so I'll say now what I was going to say.

Brian, even though you were never close family, I always tried to treat you as such. And I know you attempted to do the same, and I appreciate it. I'm sorry you didn't have time to get back to pastoring, but I would have been there for your first sermon like I promised. Promises...we've made a few to each other didnt we. I want you to know wherever you are, I always kept them the best I could, and I will continue to do so till my time is up on this Earth.
You've touched my life and left your mark, just how you have with the hundreds of other people you know. Very cliche but still holds true, even though you are gone, the people who love you will never forget you.
Be at peace.

Amen
Halo

(no subject)

Doom movie was actually better then I thought would be. There was only like 3min of First Person view, and was an ok effect. Makes concentrating on what's happening hard though with the camera shaking around. It would however would have been better if Cynthia came. Day before she remembered she has her girls poker night same time so had to postpone hanging out. Ohh well.

Last week got my motorcycle gloves and had to order my helmet. Few days later I picked it up. Now just gotta wear it around the house to break in all the foam and schtuff. Now gotta find a bike.

MC Chris made a new journal. microtrash I was friend #500 to add him :D He's gonna be back at Dante's in like 2 wks or something if anyone wants to go.
Halo

(no subject)

Dad's doing ok still. They dont want to even attempt surgery for 3wks so he'll just have to wait it out. Right now he's in Hawaii for 2wks relaxing, since he didn't want to postpone his vacation he already had setup.

The lil puppies are doing good. 3 girls and they just opened their eyes few days ago.

I bought Jade some new legos and some wooden puzzles with the #'s and ABC's on em. She luvs em all. She makes lil cars and towers with the legos.

I had a quasi date to go to the Foo Fighters/Weezer concert, but a meeting came up for the same night and wont be another for a month so had to cancel the concert. Bunch of us from work are going to see Doom on Fri and she said she'd come but it's gonna be a horrible movie. So I hope she doesn't hold it against me, tho I did warn her in advance it's gonna be crappy.
She's a really nice girl from what I've seen. She's so damn pretty also and I have no idea why she even started talking to me. Not the normal pretty, but the kind that like models have. The kind that most men and women consentually agree out of the general pop, they are way above avrg. She started taking some college classes and I offered to help tutor her on some stuff. So I hope stuff goes well, and if she doesn't want anything more then friends, thats cool also.
She has a big ol sweet heart of a dog she says, and she works out and eats right, so maybe some good habits would rub off on me if I was around ;)

Started my new schedule this week. 9a-6p. Hate getting up early now since I'm used to rolling outta bed around 11a. Flipside, I'll have more of a nightlife if I wanted one.
Halo

(no subject)

If hitting debris and wrecking the front end of the RX8 was bad enough. We got a call today from Emmanuel hospital, my dad was at working on the race track at PIR when an EVO came around a corner & lost it and hit my dad. His chest took the impact of the front fender of the car and was hurled upsidedown into the concrete wall, where he gashed it open pretty good & blackedout for awhile. He says he came too in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Scans after scans he was kicked outta ER & admitted into a room. Luckily enough he only broke the left side of his clavical (chest bone) and they stiched up his head wounds. He'll be released in a few days they say.
Halo

(no subject)

Home already, got in last nite around 11pm. Didn't make it to Cali. Had a small car accident down towards Roseburg & called the trip off. Semi lost the tread on a tire and we hit it head on going about 70. The car kidna vaulted over it but it wiped out our whole custom front end. We were taking the Rx8 down to a carshow to enter it but that incident cost us like 2k in dmgs, which is even more sad because it was custom work and we're pretty sure insurance wont cover all of it.

Tonite we went and saw the movie Serenity. Allisa's sister was there, which threw me off when she was waving at me and took me a min to register who it was.
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Misc Pics

Click for larger
Washing dads car. Loves wear her school backpack around the house

Halo developed this thing for hiding under carpets/blankets/sheets, whatever.

Kiki ready to go for a ride

Comcast Cares day - Volunteer'd to paint a school out in Evergreen, Hillsboro

Quick shot of a moment of peace between a rain storm
Halo

Happy bday to my daughter Jade..3!

No party this weekend so we'll have to do something for her next. Sat we volunteered with Comcast and we went and painted this elem school in Hillsboro. She had paint all over her shirt but she had fun and we couldnt walk a few feet without everyone stopping to take a picture of her.

Sunday my dad's Jack Russel, Valley had 3 lil itty bitty puppies. I took some pics so I'll try post soon. No names yet, and I'm not sure if they are keeping them so if anyone wants 1 and is in the NW...holla.
I'm driving down to Cali with my dad Thur nite to take the Rx8 to the big car show down there...kinda spur of the moment for me but I had the time off so I need to use it up. Was saving it for the longest time to go on vacation or camping but that was foiled.

Emotionally I've been really good this week. I mean I'm still disappointed with how everything worked out but I dont feel hung up on it. If she wants to make bad decisions and poss screw up her future, thats her prob for now.